The Restaurant of Many Orders
2 young gentlemen, completely dressed as English soldiers, carrying shiny guns and taking 2 dogs that looked like white bears, were wandering through the rustling leaves deep in the mountains.
"These mountains are terrible. There's not a single bird or beast. Whatever it is, I can't wait to shoot the gun, bang, bang."
"It would be very satisfying to shoot the yellow side of a deer with a couple of shots. They would spin around and then fall down."
It was so deep in the mountains.
That the professional hunter who led them, a little bewildering, went away.
And the mountains were so great that the 2 white-bear-like dogs got dizzy, barked for a while, and then spat out foam and died.
"Indeed, I've lost 2,400 yen," said one of the gentlemen, turning the dog's eyelids up a little.
"I've lost 2,800 yen," said the other, turning his head in annoyance.
The first gentleman looked a little pale, looked at the other gentleman's face and said,
"I want to go back."
"Well, it's getting colder now, and I'm getting hungry. I'd better get back."
"Well, let's end it up. We can buy a couple of the wild birds paying 10 yen, at the inn we had stayed yesterday."
"There were rabbits, too. That's same end as we had expected. Then let's get back."
But the trouble was, they couldn't quite figure out which way to go back.
The wind was blowing, the grass was rustling, the leaves were rustling, and the trees were rattling.
"I'm so hungry. I've been having an ache in my side for a while now."
"So do I. I don't want to walk around anymore."
"I don't want to walk. Oh, boy, do I want to have a meal."
"I'd like to have a meal."
The 2 gentlemen talked each other through the rustling pampas grass.
Then they turned around and saw a fine single Western-built house.
And on the front door was
'WESTERN RESTAURANT
WILDCAT HOUSE'
a signboard.
"You, just in time. Surprisingly, this is not so rural. Let's get in."
"Gee, it's odd here. But I suppose we could have something to eat anyway."
"Of course we can. The sign says so."
"Come on. I'm so hungry I'm going to collapse."
The 2 men stood in the doorway.
The front door was made of white crockery-bricks and was a magnificent structure.
There was a glass door with a sign on it in gold letters.
'Everyone is welcome to come in. No reservation.'
They were delighted to read this.
"Look this! The world is well-made. We had a difficult day, but now there's a good thing to come. We're in a restaurant, but they may give us a free meal."
"Apparently so. 'No reservation' may mean so."
They pushed the door open and entered, which led to a corridor.
On the back of the glass door, there was a sign in gold letters.
'Especially the fat and the young are most welcome.'
They are delighted to look 'welcome'.
"You see, we are men to be welcomed."
"We are both."
As they continued down the corridor, they found a door painted a light blue.
"It's a strange house. Why are there so many doors in this house?"
"This is the Russian style as it is in all the cold places and in the mountains."
And when they opened the door, they found a sign in yellow letters above.
'We are a demanding restaurant, so please be advised of this.'
"It's so popular, in so deep mountains."
"That's true. There are so few big restaurants on the big avenue in Tokyo, it's same."
They opened the door.
Then, on the other side of the door,
'I know this is a lot to ask for, but please hold off.'
"What the hell is this all about?" A gentleman frowned.
"Yes, it must be so many orders, that they apologize for the inconvenience."
"Maybe so. I want to get into the room."
"And we would like to sit at the table."
But the annoying thing was that there was another door.
And next to it hung a mirror with a long-handled brush underneath.
On the door, in red letters,
'Dear customers, we'll do your hair right here and
"These mountains are terrible. There's not a single bird or beast. Whatever it is, I can't wait to shoot the gun, bang, bang."
"It would be very satisfying to shoot the yellow side of a deer with a couple of shots. They would spin around and then fall down."
It was so deep in the mountains.
That the professional hunter who led them, a little bewildering, went away.
And the mountains were so great that the 2 white-bear-like dogs got dizzy, barked for a while, and then spat out foam and died.
"Indeed, I've lost 2,400 yen," said one of the gentlemen, turning the dog's eyelids up a little.
"I've lost 2,800 yen," said the other, turning his head in annoyance.
The first gentleman looked a little pale, looked at the other gentleman's face and said,
"I want to go back."
"Well, it's getting colder now, and I'm getting hungry. I'd better get back."
"Well, let's end it up. We can buy a couple of the wild birds paying 10 yen, at the inn we had stayed yesterday."
"There were rabbits, too. That's same end as we had expected. Then let's get back."
But the trouble was, they couldn't quite figure out which way to go back.
The wind was blowing, the grass was rustling, the leaves were rustling, and the trees were rattling.
"I'm so hungry. I've been having an ache in my side for a while now."
"So do I. I don't want to walk around anymore."
"I don't want to walk. Oh, boy, do I want to have a meal."
"I'd like to have a meal."
The 2 gentlemen talked each other through the rustling pampas grass.
Then they turned around and saw a fine single Western-built house.
And on the front door was
'WESTERN RESTAURANT
WILDCAT HOUSE'
a signboard.
"You, just in time. Surprisingly, this is not so rural. Let's get in."
"Gee, it's odd here. But I suppose we could have something to eat anyway."
"Of course we can. The sign says so."
"Come on. I'm so hungry I'm going to collapse."
The 2 men stood in the doorway.
The front door was made of white crockery-bricks and was a magnificent structure.
There was a glass door with a sign on it in gold letters.
'Everyone is welcome to come in. No reservation.'
They were delighted to read this.
"Look this! The world is well-made. We had a difficult day, but now there's a good thing to come. We're in a restaurant, but they may give us a free meal."
"Apparently so. 'No reservation' may mean so."
They pushed the door open and entered, which led to a corridor.
On the back of the glass door, there was a sign in gold letters.
'Especially the fat and the young are most welcome.'
They are delighted to look 'welcome'.
"You see, we are men to be welcomed."
"We are both."
As they continued down the corridor, they found a door painted a light blue.
"It's a strange house. Why are there so many doors in this house?"
"This is the Russian style as it is in all the cold places and in the mountains."
And when they opened the door, they found a sign in yellow letters above.
'We are a demanding restaurant, so please be advised of this.'
"It's so popular, in so deep mountains."
"That's true. There are so few big restaurants on the big avenue in Tokyo, it's same."
They opened the door.
Then, on the other side of the door,
'I know this is a lot to ask for, but please hold off.'
"What the hell is this all about?" A gentleman frowned.
"Yes, it must be so many orders, that they apologize for the inconvenience."
"Maybe so. I want to get into the room."
"And we would like to sit at the table."
But the annoying thing was that there was another door.
And next to it hung a mirror with a long-handled brush underneath.
On the door, in red letters,
'Dear customers, we'll do your hair right here and
then please drop the mud from your shoes.'
"This is quite reasonable. When I was standing in the doorway a while ago, I underestimated it because it's in the mountains."
"This is a very serious restaurant. Very important people must come here often."
So they combed their hair clean and cleaned the mud off their shoes.
Then, as soon as they put the brush on the board, it was blurred and gone, and the wind blew in the room.
Startled, the 2 men sidled up to each other, opened the door with a bang, and went into the next room.
They both knew that they had to get something warm and invigorating soon or else they would be at a loss as they couldn't even imagine.
On the inside of the door, there was another strange sign.
'Put the gun and bullets here.'
They saw a black stand right next to it.
"I see, there is no manner of eating things with a gun."
"Yes, a very important man is often there."
The 2 men took off their guns, unbuckled their belts, and put them on a stand.
There was another black door.
'Please take off your hat, your overcoat and your shoes.'
"Do you take it?"
"I'll take it. Someone in the back room must be a very important person."
They put their hats and overcoats on nails, took off their shoes, and walked pitter-patter into the door.
Behind the door.
'Tie pins, cufflinks, glasses, wallets, other metals and
"This is quite reasonable. When I was standing in the doorway a while ago, I underestimated it because it's in the mountains."
"This is a very serious restaurant. Very important people must come here often."
So they combed their hair clean and cleaned the mud off their shoes.
Then, as soon as they put the brush on the board, it was blurred and gone, and the wind blew in the room.
Startled, the 2 men sidled up to each other, opened the door with a bang, and went into the next room.
They both knew that they had to get something warm and invigorating soon or else they would be at a loss as they couldn't even imagine.
On the inside of the door, there was another strange sign.
'Put the gun and bullets here.'
They saw a black stand right next to it.
"I see, there is no manner of eating things with a gun."
"Yes, a very important man is often there."
The 2 men took off their guns, unbuckled their belts, and put them on a stand.
There was another black door.
'Please take off your hat, your overcoat and your shoes.'
"Do you take it?"
"I'll take it. Someone in the back room must be a very important person."
They put their hats and overcoats on nails, took off their shoes, and walked pitter-patter into the door.
Behind the door.
'Tie pins, cufflinks, glasses, wallets, other metals and
anything pointy in particular, please leave them all here.'
Right next to the door was a magnificent black-painted safe with an open mouth.
It was even accompanied by a key lock.
"Oh, I see. They might use electricity to cook something. So it's dangerous to wear something metal, especially sharp."
"I guess so."
"So, then we would pay the bill here on the way home?"
"Apparently so."
They took off their glasses, their cufflinks and so on, and put them all in the safe and locked it up.
A little further on, there was another door and a glass jar in front of it.
There was a sign on the door.
'Please apply the cream in the jar to your face, hands and feet.'
They found that the cream in the jar was indeed milk cream.
"What does it mean to apply the cream?"
"It's very cold outside. It' just a measure to prevent cracks from forming if it's too warm in the room. The back room must have a very important person in it. We may find ourselves getting acquainted with a nobleman in a place like this.
The 2 men applied the cream from the jar to their faces, then to their hands, then to their feet after taking off their socks.
There was still some left over, so they both ate it secretly, pretending to apply it to their faces.
Then they hurriedly opened the door, and on the other side of the door,
'Did you apply a lot of cream? Did you apply it on your ears?'
And there was a little jar of cream here, too.
"I didn't apply it on my ears. I almost cracked my ears. The master here is very meticulous."
"Yes, he is very meticulous. By the way, I can't wait to get something to eat, but I can't help myself in this endless corridor."
Just in front of that, there was another door.
'The food is almost ready.
In 15 minutes.
It's ready to eat.
Please sprinkle the perfume in the bottle on your head soon.'
And there was a gilded bottle of perfume at the door.
The 2 men sprinkled the perfume in the bottle on their heads.
But the perfume smelled something like vinegar.
"This perfume smelled like vinegar. What's wrong with it?"
"Mistake. The servant caught a cold and put it in by mistake."
They opened the door and went inside.
On the back of the door, there was a sign in large letters.
'It must have been noisy with so many orders. I'm very sorry.
Right next to the door was a magnificent black-painted safe with an open mouth.
It was even accompanied by a key lock.
"Oh, I see. They might use electricity to cook something. So it's dangerous to wear something metal, especially sharp."
"I guess so."
"So, then we would pay the bill here on the way home?"
"Apparently so."
They took off their glasses, their cufflinks and so on, and put them all in the safe and locked it up.
A little further on, there was another door and a glass jar in front of it.
There was a sign on the door.
'Please apply the cream in the jar to your face, hands and feet.'
They found that the cream in the jar was indeed milk cream.
"What does it mean to apply the cream?"
"It's very cold outside. It' just a measure to prevent cracks from forming if it's too warm in the room. The back room must have a very important person in it. We may find ourselves getting acquainted with a nobleman in a place like this.
The 2 men applied the cream from the jar to their faces, then to their hands, then to their feet after taking off their socks.
There was still some left over, so they both ate it secretly, pretending to apply it to their faces.
Then they hurriedly opened the door, and on the other side of the door,
'Did you apply a lot of cream? Did you apply it on your ears?'
And there was a little jar of cream here, too.
"I didn't apply it on my ears. I almost cracked my ears. The master here is very meticulous."
"Yes, he is very meticulous. By the way, I can't wait to get something to eat, but I can't help myself in this endless corridor."
Just in front of that, there was another door.
'The food is almost ready.
In 15 minutes.
It's ready to eat.
Please sprinkle the perfume in the bottle on your head soon.'
And there was a gilded bottle of perfume at the door.
The 2 men sprinkled the perfume in the bottle on their heads.
But the perfume smelled something like vinegar.
"This perfume smelled like vinegar. What's wrong with it?"
"Mistake. The servant caught a cold and put it in by mistake."
They opened the door and went inside.
On the back of the door, there was a sign in large letters.
'It must have been noisy with so many orders. I'm very sorry.
This is all. Please rub your body with more salt from the pot well.'
Certainly there was a magnificent blue crockery-pot of salt, but this time both of them looked at each other faces full of cream.
"It's strange."
"I think it's strange, too."
"Lots of orders mean they're ordering to us."
"So a Western restaurant is, in my opinion, a house where they don't give people Western food to eat, but they eat people cooked as Western food. This is, you know, i-i-i-in short, w-w-we are......" He rattled and shuddered and couldn't say anything else.
"So, w-we are, ...... Ugh!" He rattled and shuddered and couldn't say anything else.
"Run awa......" The rattling gentleman tried to push the door behind him, but it didn't move any more.
There was still a single door in the back, with 2 large key holes which are cut like the shape of silvery fork and knife.
'Thank you for your help.
I'm very pleased with the work.
Now, come on in, come on in.'
And there were 2 blue eyeballs peering out of the key holes.
"Ugh." Rattling, rattling.
"Ugh." Rattling, rattling.
The 2 men cried out.
Then on the other side of the door, some people are talking in secret.
"No. They have already figured it out. They don't rub their body with salt."
"That's obvious. My boss doesn't write well. He wrote goofily, 'It must have been noisy with so many orders, I'm sorry for your loss.'"
"It doesn't matter. He won't even share the bones with us anyway."
"That's true. But if they don't come in here, it's our fault."
"Let's call, let's call them. Hey, guests, come quickly. Welcome. Welcome. The dishes were washed and the greens were salted well. All that's left to do now is to combine you and the greens and put them on a white plate. Hurry up and come."
"Hey, come, come. Or do you dislike salads? Then let's get the fire going and fry you up now. Just hurry up and come."
They were so distressed that their faces looked like crumpled up pieces of paper, they looked at each other, shivered and shivered, and cried in silence.
Inside they giggles and shouts again.
"Welcome, welcome. Don't cry so much, you'll ruin the cream. Yes, I'll bring it right away. Hey, come quickly."
"Hurry up and get here. Our master is waiting for guests with a napkin, a knife, and a licking of the tongue."
The 2 men cried and cried and cried and cried.
Then, out of the back of their heads, a voice came out of nowhere.
"Woof, woof, hah!" and then 2 dogs, looking like white bears, burst through the door and into the room, and the eyeballs in the key holes disappeared immediately.
The dogs circled around the room for a while, growling, and then they barked again higher.
"Woof." The dogs suddenly jumped at the next door.
The door opened with a bang and the dogs ran into it as if they were being sucked in.
Across from the door, in the darkness.
"Meow, guffaw, purr," and then rustling.
The room disappeared like a smoke and the 2 men stood in the grass, shivering in the cold.
They saw that their jackets, shoes, wallets, and tie pins were hanging from the branches over there or were scattered at the root of the trees over there.
The wind was blowing, the grass was rustling, the leaves were rustling, and the trees were rattling.
The dogs came back with a roar.
And from behind them,
"Sir, sir!" someone was shouting.
They suddenly felt energized and shouted.
"Hey, hey, here we are, come on."
A professional hunter wearing straw coat-hat came rustling through the grass.
So the 2 men finally felt relieved.
Then they ate the dumplings brought by the hunter and bought some wild birds for 10 yen on the way back to Tokyo.
However, their faces, which had become like the scraps of paper, were not restored to their original state, even after returning to Tokyo and even after a dip in the hot water.
(I translated The Restaurant of Many Orders (注文の多い料理店, Chūmon no ōi ryōriten) by Kenji Miyazawa.)
- To return to Japanese short stories translated into English
Certainly there was a magnificent blue crockery-pot of salt, but this time both of them looked at each other faces full of cream.
"It's strange."
"I think it's strange, too."
"Lots of orders mean they're ordering to us."
"So a Western restaurant is, in my opinion, a house where they don't give people Western food to eat, but they eat people cooked as Western food. This is, you know, i-i-i-in short, w-w-we are......" He rattled and shuddered and couldn't say anything else.
"So, w-we are, ...... Ugh!" He rattled and shuddered and couldn't say anything else.
"Run awa......" The rattling gentleman tried to push the door behind him, but it didn't move any more.
There was still a single door in the back, with 2 large key holes which are cut like the shape of silvery fork and knife.
'Thank you for your help.
I'm very pleased with the work.
Now, come on in, come on in.'
And there were 2 blue eyeballs peering out of the key holes.
"Ugh." Rattling, rattling.
"Ugh." Rattling, rattling.
The 2 men cried out.
Then on the other side of the door, some people are talking in secret.
"No. They have already figured it out. They don't rub their body with salt."
"That's obvious. My boss doesn't write well. He wrote goofily, 'It must have been noisy with so many orders, I'm sorry for your loss.'"
"It doesn't matter. He won't even share the bones with us anyway."
"That's true. But if they don't come in here, it's our fault."
"Let's call, let's call them. Hey, guests, come quickly. Welcome. Welcome. The dishes were washed and the greens were salted well. All that's left to do now is to combine you and the greens and put them on a white plate. Hurry up and come."
"Hey, come, come. Or do you dislike salads? Then let's get the fire going and fry you up now. Just hurry up and come."
They were so distressed that their faces looked like crumpled up pieces of paper, they looked at each other, shivered and shivered, and cried in silence.
Inside they giggles and shouts again.
"Welcome, welcome. Don't cry so much, you'll ruin the cream. Yes, I'll bring it right away. Hey, come quickly."
"Hurry up and get here. Our master is waiting for guests with a napkin, a knife, and a licking of the tongue."
The 2 men cried and cried and cried and cried.
Then, out of the back of their heads, a voice came out of nowhere.
"Woof, woof, hah!" and then 2 dogs, looking like white bears, burst through the door and into the room, and the eyeballs in the key holes disappeared immediately.
The dogs circled around the room for a while, growling, and then they barked again higher.
"Woof." The dogs suddenly jumped at the next door.
The door opened with a bang and the dogs ran into it as if they were being sucked in.
Across from the door, in the darkness.
"Meow, guffaw, purr," and then rustling.
The room disappeared like a smoke and the 2 men stood in the grass, shivering in the cold.
They saw that their jackets, shoes, wallets, and tie pins were hanging from the branches over there or were scattered at the root of the trees over there.
The wind was blowing, the grass was rustling, the leaves were rustling, and the trees were rattling.
The dogs came back with a roar.
And from behind them,
"Sir, sir!" someone was shouting.
They suddenly felt energized and shouted.
"Hey, hey, here we are, come on."
A professional hunter wearing straw coat-hat came rustling through the grass.
So the 2 men finally felt relieved.
Then they ate the dumplings brought by the hunter and bought some wild birds for 10 yen on the way back to Tokyo.
However, their faces, which had become like the scraps of paper, were not restored to their original state, even after returning to Tokyo and even after a dip in the hot water.
(I translated The Restaurant of Many Orders (注文の多い料理店, Chūmon no ōi ryōriten) by Kenji Miyazawa.)
- To return to Japanese short stories translated into English